Relationship Building Online: Master Your Message

Wahoo! We’re on week 3 of the Online Relationship Building Series. Need to catch up? Check out the first two posts on using content to build trust, and developing a rapport.

Today, I’m talking all about the “crave.” A crave is your client’s deeper desire. It goes beyond the problem they present to you or their initial thoughts about what they need. And when you find it, your relationship catapults to the next level.

Find Their Crave and Get the Rave

First, let me address the meaning when I say “find the crave.” You don’t create the crave. Instead, get curious about your market. You want to know what they think in their words. Most importantly find out what issues they want solved and what dreams they secretly have. In other words, find their crave and use their language because you will best connect with them when you do. In other words, find their crave you’ll get the rave. 

You can read more about finding the crave in my free ebook, “Find The Crave: How To Craft Messages That Magnetize Clients.”

This image of the woman with a megaphone and two guys holding their hands over their ears points to why it’s important to listen. In other words, they can’t hear you if they’re not listening. So don’t start by telling. Rather, start by listening. Take a breath and listen to them, because they’ll tell you what to say.

Be A Great Listener & Ask Questions

When you’re in a marketing or sales position and you’re trying to enroll somebody in your work to help them, you’re being of service. We get in our own way because we want the sale, but you’ve got to be of service. To serve them best you need to know their problem. In order to know their problem, you need ask them questions. To know what they’re craving, you have to verify if you’ve got it. If you think you’re getting close to a “crave,” asking questions like these:

  • questionsSo are you like [this]?
  • Do you want [this]?
  • Is that important to you?
  • Can you tell me more about what you just mentioned?
  • Is there more of [that], do want it in your work, in your life?
  • What have you tried in the past? How did it work? What did you like about it? Dislike about it?


When I’m coaching people I talk about this analogy.

You could go to a doctor, and you say ‘Doctor I have a cold’ and he says ‘Okay, take this prescription it’ll be fine’. OR, you go to another doctor, and say ‘Doctor I have a cold,’  and the doctor says ‘okay well, how long have you had this cold? What are your symptoms? Are you sneezing or coughing or both? Is your phlegm this color or that color?’ It goes on and on asking you other question and in the end says ‘well you don’t have a cold you actually have allergies and here’s what you need to do for allergies.’

Which Doctor would you choose?

Now, what if the diagnosis was still the same? Who do you think has the better rapport with the patient? The one who took the time to ask the questions. The one who asked the question also has positioned as a better expert because, he has a whole repertoire he’s thinking of, that this could be this or that, while the other doctor had just one solution.

Attract The Rave

Businesswoman on blurred background rating with hand drawn starsTo be Interesting, be interested. Most of your work is done as a result of asking lots of questions and listening deeply. People love talking about themselves and being heard. So hear them, ask them more questions. Then meet them where they are at. They won’t want you to solve their problems until they know you understand their situation and have a pathway that starts where they are and leads them to their ideal situation. Many experts know how they will take people on this journey. But describing the journey is not what they need to hear unless it is phrased with their words and ideas. Doing that builds trust, connection and then they will be more open to hearing your point of view.

Key Points:

When you find your client’s cravings, your relationship blossoms. You’re ready to get hunting with the following key tools:

  1. Be curious and find out what they are craving
  2. Ask questions to be of service
  3. Listen to the answers and speak in their language

Master Your Message

Now that you know you need to craft an irresistible message, you may want some guidance. I’ve had clients who have consulted with me in the first 20 minutes say that I captured the essence of their business and crafted a compelling message they have been trying to do for more than 20 years. It truly helps to bring a marketing mindset into your business. Let’s run through the crave message generating process  and create your irresistible message together.

In the next and last part of this series, we’ll take online relationships one step further, into building a tribe. One on one relationships are great, but creating your own group, your tribe, that you can reach out to, and who can feed off each other and you, is where the real magic happens. If you want help finding your crave, you can email me or come over to, I’m also on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook. Let’s connect!

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